Desperately
Seeking Sleep…
The time had come. My brain was craving some hard-core, uninterrupted
sleep. Sleep that I hadn’t experienced in about a year. Possible?
Yes. Hard work? Not really.
Isabella had just turned 15 months old but I felt like I was 50
years old. I had been getting up once (usually) in the middle of
the night to nurse her. While I would only be up for about 10 minutes
and immediately fall back asleep, it was enough to interrupt my
dreaming cycles and make me feel eternally groggy. The dark circles
were too much to bear. Ugh.
I had read a couple of books and bugged family and friends on the
subject and the two most common responses were, "Hmmm….well,
my little Johnny has been sleeping through the night since he was
3 months old." (argh, the "perfect" child) , or,
"Yah, you just gotta tough it out and let them cry." (sounded
harsh).
I first picked up, Babywise, by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam…ok,
can you say "militant"? Ed and I knew that we wanted to
follow a much more attached style of parenting: feeding on demand,
some possible co-sleeping, etc. Well, all of that is out of the
question in Ezzo’s book. "Let’s ditch the sleeping
training for awhile.", I said as I gleefully gave that book
back to a friend.
As time went by and Isabella hit the 10-month mark, I was still
very content to snuggle with her at 2am, but there was a glimmer
of wanton lust for a full night’s sleep. I chatted with a co-worker,
Chrissy (who is the mother of twins and is the queen of schedules)
and she suggested I try out, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by
Marc Weissbluth. This guy is not a scintillating author by any means,
but he has some pretty interesting theories.
"Sleep begets sleep.", is the one that really sticks in
my head. The idea is that if you patiently work with your child
to develop healthy sleeping habits they will stay with them for
a lifetime, therefore making a better person who will solve all
the world’s problems and go onto be a rocket scientist. Ok….perhaps
I’m going over the top.
Here are some quick
tips that Weissbluth suggests:
- Don’t wait until your child is over-tired.
The kid gets overstimulated, thus making for a more difficult
bedtime.
- Try an EARLIER bedtime. Ok, this
is counterintuitive, but just go with it. Each person has their
own circadian rhythm and if your child is waking often in the
night perhaps you haven’t synched their bedtime up with their
sleeping rhythm. Move the bedtime in 20 minute increments.
- If your child wakes up from a nap crying
like they are annoyed, not an urgent cry, just wait for a few
minutes. This is a signal that they really aren’t ready to
wake up. They need more sleep.
One of the first things that we did was try the napping thing. Isabella
would sometimes wake up from a nap and cry a bit (for 15 seconds
or so). We would hold off going in to pick her up and sure enough,
she ended up falling asleep for another 30 minutes and when she
did wake up, she was smiling and happy.
The rule that seems to "slip" in our house is the going
to bed earlier. Initially Isabella’s bedtime was 8:30pm, but
trying to move that to 8pm has proven to be elusive. Often times
we get wrapped up in cleaning up from dinner or playing and before
we know it, it’s 8:25. Oops.
The other theme that runs through not only Marc Weissbluth’s
book, but through various parenting conversations is the "Let
them cry it out" tactic. It’s a tough phrase, admittedly,
but it’s not detrimental, at least no long term studies have
proven it so. The thing that you have to remind yourself, while
you’re listening to your child wail at 2am and you’re
in bed with your husband holding your hand to keep you from jumping
up, is that you’re really training your child to develop healthy
sleep patterns that span a full 8+ hours. Their brains need it.
That’s your mantra.
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Here’s our sleeping journal:
Night One:
Like clockwork, Isabella wakes up at 2am and cries,
"Mama". She’s expecting me to come into
her room like I always do and nurse her. Man…she’s
conditioned. Both of us are. We just let her cry. I
can’t remember if Ed went in and checked her, but
she whimpered/cried off and on for about an hour. Eventually
she fell asleep until 8am and woke up smiling and in
good spirits. Ok, she doesn’t hate us. Yet.
Night Two:
Again, around 2am Isabella wakes up and Ed goes in to
comfort her. She just gets pissed. She’s wailing,
but it only lasts for about 45 minutes and then she
falls asleep.
Night Three:
Um…I kind of fell off the wagon. I KNOW I shouldn’t
have been the one to check in on her, but my thought
process (Yah, coherent thought processes at 3am? Not.)
was that I needed to break her of the visual habit of
everytime I go into her room she’s going to nurse.
I consoled her, left the room, and went to the bathroom.
She was NOT pleased. In the end, I gave in and nursed
her. Whatever. I don’t want to talk about it.
Night Four:
"Ed. What time is it?"
"6am"
"Did you get up with Bella?"
"No. Did you?"
"No. Oh my god. She slept through the night!"
Night Five:
Slept through the night.
Night Six:
Slept through the night.
Night Seven:
Slept through the night.
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Are we onto a new pattern?
Possibly.
Am I feeling better? Definitely.
Do I miss nursing her in the middle of the night? Heh, are you high?
So who knows…Isabella may very well have learned this sleeping
through the night thing is good, but the pessimistic part of me
is waiting for her to go back to her old habits. I just need to
be strong yet supportive and consistent so that I don’t allow
us to get back into the old habits.
Remember your new mantra? "Their brains need it."
You need it too. But above all, do what feels "right"
for you.
Happy sleeping.
Amy
July 2003
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